Monday, December 31, 2007

adiós 2007

I can't believe that in just a few hours, 2007 will be over. This year has been a whirlwind.

Highlight: Really coming to discover more of who I am. I started digging deeper back in March. It's definitely had it's highs and lows, but overall, something I needed to do and am happy I did. The journey will continue, not only into 2008, but until I'm no longer breathing.

Lowlight: The depression I went through when I found out I didn't get the job I had put so much hope in. I literally didn't get out of bed for two days, couldn't stop crying and was ready to end it all. It was horrible. What I've learned from it is that, as cheesy as it sounds, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If I ever get that low again, which I hope I don't, I know that I've made it through once which should help to get through something like that again.

The Big 3-0: I had a huge party idea in mind and bailed on it for a few reasons. I spent the two-days of festivities surrounded by friends, enjoying Madison and good food! I'm really loving being 30 and actually feel a little different. It's I'm becoming an adult or something.

Blogging: This has been a great way for me to get things out. No one was reading, which was fine with me. This was something I needed to do. However, I've made some new 'friends' through NaBloPoMo and am glad to have feedback every now and then. Blogging has also brought some new people into my life, who all seem interconnected through the 'blog world'. What a great way to meet new people.

New Opportunity: Never in a million years could I have dreamed about the opportunity that now sits in front of me. I can't wait to move to a new city, complete the conference I'm working on and get started with the organization I'll be running. I'm learning so much about myself and can't wait to learn more and put my passion into my work.

Boys: Well, here again, I've played the games and I've lost. I've put it all out there and it hasn't turned out the way I wanted. I've tried looking and haven't found it. I've tried not looking and it hasn't found me. I've wondered what's wrong with me (and the answer is NOTHING! Hello?! I'm fabulous!) and have come to be OK with being single...for the most part.

How did that happen? I've lost close to 20 pounds over the past 6 months without really trying. I've quit snacking so much, stop eating when I'm full and am working out. I'm almost the same weight I was in high school when I was dancing 15+ hours a week and metabolism ruled! Goal is to tone up and lose a little more so I look fabulous for my time in Orlando in early March.

Will wait for 'What about 2008?" for tomorrow. I hope everyone has a safe and happy new year celebration, whether you're out on the town or staying in for the night. May your 2008 bring much more than you could ever imagine!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Everyday Commitments working towards happiness

I teased a bit yesterday about the book I got and can't hold back any longer. Yes, I'm that excited about it! Book is "Everyday Commitments: Choosing a Life of Love, Realism, and Acceptance" by David Richo. Has 52 short chapters including:
  • Cultivating Loving-Kindness

  • Not taking advantage

  • A Brighter Self-Image

  • Being Authentic

  • Being Consistent

  • Life Purpose

  • Freedom from Stress

  • Egoless Intimacy

  • Healthy Sexuality

Each chapter starts with the commitment, such as this one for the chapter 'Saying Yes to Reality,' More and more, I say yes to the givens of human life. Everything changes and ends; things will not always go according to plan; life is not always fair or pain-free; and people are not always loving, honest, generous, or loyal, followed by a one to two-page commentary.

My hope is to read one of these a week, really think about it and how it could apply to my life, put it into action and record what I come to find. As I've snuck peaks at some of the guts of the book, a lot of the commitments are simple and things I realize, however, I'm taking the extra step to think more about these and make them a part of my life. =)

Friday, December 28, 2007

In the pursuit of happiness

I was just at Barnes and Noble and wandered through the self-help section, because we can all use some self-help, right? I wasn't looking for anything specific, but as I scanned the shelves, I realized there were numerous books on happiness--how to find it, where to look, what brings it, etc. I don't know if I was more disturbed at the actual number of books that have been written on happiness or that there are so many books written on it, which could interpret to the fact that no one really knows where or how to find it.

I did find one book that I bought and am excited to use it. Yep, it's not just to read, but I think is going to be very eye-opening for me. I'm going to make you wait to know more...but only a few more days. *n--it's not the one you told me to get. They didn't have it! =(

Feel free to leave me a message with your best advice on finding happiness.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

What's the plan?

With the new year coming to a close, it's time to start thinking about resolutions and stuff. No, this isn't my 'resolutions' post. That's coming in a few days. This is about the plans we make and how they can really screw us up.

Example 1: A few weeks ago, I heard a cool guy speak about making your passion your profession. Good stuff. He had us turn to the people around us and asked us to share what we were doing 5 years ago...then 4, 3, 2 and down to 1 year ago to the day. His point was that things change and to throw out your plan. I'm definitely not where I thought I would be if you had asked me 5 years ago.

Example 2: I'm reading a book, "You on Top! Smart, sexy skills every woman needs to set the world on fire" by Kate White, Editor in Chief for Cosmo magazine. She talks about the traditional interview question, 'Where do you see yourself in 5 years?' She suggests to toss out your five-year plan (chapter 2). She says, 'There's a danger in being so locked into a life scheme that you miss an opportunity that's smack dab in the road in front of you or a new adventure beckons you from a mysterious side road off to the right or left.' She also goes on to say if, at the end of your 5 years, you haven't reached the goal, it can depress the hell out of you. Preach it sister!

I tossed out the idea of being married many years ago. Not that I don't want to be married someday...I'd love to, but I'm not so focused on it that I can't do other things. I'm getting ready to move to CA in a few months and leave my current job. This definitely wasn't in my original plan. If you had asked me a few years ago how long I'd be in my current job, I honestly would've said for 10-15 years. I loved what I was doing. My boss, however, started telling me 2 years ago that I shouldn't think about staying there; that I should view it as a stepping stone to another job. I thought he was crazy and was a little ticked off that he was telling me my plan wasn't right. This past June, we agreed to me committing to a non-committal 2 more years with the company. His addendum included 'unless something better comes along.' However, he was right and I'm moving on.

My five year plan in 2002 included checking into grad school to finish my master's degree and buying a house in Oklahoma. In Oct 2003, I moved to WI and it was one of the best things I've ever done. If I had followed my plan, even though work was miserable and I thought I wanted to stay in Oklahoma forever, I never would've experienced being laid off (that was an experience), finding a job that really fit me, my passion and skills, having to fend for myself in a town where I knew no one (which has included dealing with car stuff-ICK) and really, living life like I had never done it before.

I don't know that I'll ever make a long-term plan again. We can't control things that come at us and as Kate White said, if we're so focused on reaching that goal, we miss other opportunities that could take us anywhere, like Wisconsin or even California. Be more focused on the unexpected things that cross your path. :)

Monday, December 24, 2007

Chick crush

Confession...I have a chick crush. I don't know what it is, but lately, I've been fascinated with Katie Holmes. I love the new hair, which I'm actually copying as it's the same cut I have, just straightened. Her fashion taste has really blossomed (more about this soon) and she's definitely more confident than she ever was before. I'm not completely smitten...I think she's completely weird for marrying Tom Cruise. Ick!

Who would've thought Katie would grow up from Joey into the confident woman she is today. Maybe meeting Tom wasn't so bad for her. I only hope my kids are as cute as Suri. ;)

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Out of control

The past week and a half has been bad. Between dealing with the phone company and having my car being broken into, which had a whole chain of events brought with it (broken window-dead battery-Christmas presents stolen-stereo gone-had to get rental car and was charged 3 times for it) it's really taken a toll on me. Honestly, I'm a bit scared as to why this has been so hard on me.

This is not normal for me and I don't know if it's just the bad timing because of everything going on, but today, I wanted to give up. I mean walk away from full-time job, the new jobs, friends, Christmas (I'm not buying presents this year), everything.

I've got to shake this off and move on, but it seems that every time I get to a point of doing better, something else happens. I can't keep doing this and am trying to make a conscience effort to overcome it and what it's doing to me, but there must be something deep down that this is hitting because it just seems a lot harder than normal to move on.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

What's the deal with me and guns?

**These thoughts have been bothering me the past few weeks, so I'm getting them out in hopes of being done with them.**
When I was home over Thanksgiving, my mom told me that one night, she slept with my stepdad's gun at the head of the bed. He was out of town and there were reports of break-ins very close to their area. (They have a few acres in the middle of nowhere.) I know my stepdad has guns in the house, but never thought my mom would use it.

I've had a gun pointed at me once. It was my stepdads gun. I had a guy friend over at my place and must've mentioned something about the gun and where it was. He went into my parent's bedroom and got it from the nightstand. When I walked in to see what he was doing, he turned around and pointed it at me in a joking manner. I got mad and told him to put it away. I don't know if it was loaded or not.

When I was a Freshman in high school, one night a girl I was hanging out with decided we should meet up with these guys. I didn't really know this girl and had no way to get out of this (no car), so I went along with it. We proceeded to meet these guys at a sketchy hotel, you the hour, kinda thing. As soon as we all walked into the room, between the two guys, there were 3 guns that were put into the top drawer of the dresser. Not only was I terrified because of the guns in the room, but I soon realized this was a 'booty call' kinda thing. I didn't sleep with the guy and am thankful I wasn't raped or hurt worse. Everytime I drive by that place back in my hometown, I get sick to my stomach. *I've never told anyone about this night.*

I remember one morning as my mom drove me to high school (before I had a license), when a car was passing us and had a shotgun out the back window. We lived in a really bad neighborhood that often had shootings, but to see a car pass you with a gun out the window was eye opening. We hunted down a police in the area (this was before cell phones) and told them about it. Not sure what happened, but we moved shortly after that.

There was a shooting in my middle school. Some kid brought a gun to school, had even bragged about it on the bus, and then during lunch, got the gun and shot another kid in the hallway. He then took off out of the building. I remember some code being called over the PA system and the teachers shutting all the doors. They made all of us lie down under the tables because the school was only one floor, which meant windows all the way around the building. They labeled this as a gang thing. Shortly after that incident, we had metal detectors we had to walk through every day and our bags searched. Didn't bother me.

I haven't thought much about these things in a few years, but I really think hearing my mom say she slept with the gun by her head really triggered something (pun intended...trying to make light of all this!) We'll see if just getting this out helps with being done with these memories. I sure hope so...

Friday, December 14, 2007

Planning for the unexpected

Confession...I like having a plan. This doesn't mean knowing what I'm going to do every minute of every day, but having an idea of what is going on is always important to me. This week, though, I've had many unexpected things happen, good and bad, and it's been exhausting.

I feel like I've gone a few rounds in the boxing ring (have I ever mentioned I wanted to be a boxer at one time?) and am beat down. After my experience with AT&T and my phone this week, I had a great meeting Wednesday and meet a fun guy. Things were starting to look up...then last night, my roommate came in to tell me my car had been broken in to while it was in our underground parking garage. Broken window and stereo's gone. Unexpected, especially since this was the 4th time it's happened in 4 years. I figured my bad luck had come to an end a while ago. I guess I was wrong.

So much has happened this week with unexpected things and it has taken a toll on me emotionally and physically. I want to give up and give in, but to what? I don't even know what I'm battling and that's so draining.

I wondered this morning what I've done to deserve this and then stopped....that's not the way it works. I'm not being 'punished' for something. So now I'm trying to be open to what God is teaching me through this. Am I putting too much faith in people and taking things for granted? Do I just need to slow down and take a break? Not sure, but I hope to have a restful night so I'm ready to take on whatever comes my way tomorrow; even if it's unplanned.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

A time of reflection

So much has been going on lately that I haven't taken much time to stop and do something other than bitch and moan. This morning, as I sit on my couch, looking out over the snow covered city outside my window, I'm taking a break and stopping for a few minutes.

Life is good...even with all of the technology frustrations I've had lately. I left work late the other night and had to scrape the ice and snow off my car for a few minutes. Most people complain about doing this, but during that time, I was so thankful that I had a car to be scraping off. So I didn't mind and actually enjoyed doing it. Weird.

I have parents who love me, even if we only talk once a week...sometimes less, depending on which parent it is. They support me in my decisions, for the most part, and are always there to help, if I need it. I think I take them for granted sometimes, especially when I wonder what it might be like when they're gone.

I have work I enjoy, even if all of it combined (between the 2-3 jobs) takes up the majority of my waking hours. Because I enjoy it, I don't mind that I'm doing it all the time. I work with great people and enjoy learning from them...all of them.

I have more than I could ever need. In fact, I'm getting rid of a bunch of things soon in preparation of moving. Fun story...I have a computer desk I've been trying to sell on Craigslist. Had a few bites, but no one really interested. I got an email the other day from a woman asking if it was still available and I said yes, that I'd give it to her for free. She was very excited about this as she wants to give it to a single mother of 3 who she helps through Big Brothers, Big Sisters. Someone just purchased a computer for this family, but they live in a 1 bedroom apartment and don't have much space. The woman thinks my desk will be just the right size. It makes me feel good to know it's going to someone who needs it...much more than I do.

I've met some very cool and interesting twenty-something people in my city recently. Two of them are very new and have talked about how hard it is to meet people (which it is), especially since they're in a start-up with one other person (an older woman), which limits their connections already. I'd love to invest in them and build relationships, but 1)don't have time, 2) I'm moving anyways, 3) they're much younger than I am (though that shouldn't really matter).

I just know that the next few months are going to be a whirlwind and will be over before I know it. I want to remember to take time to sit...reflect....breathe...and love the life I'm living. If you can't do that last something about it. Change it! Life's not worth living unless it's good. Enjoy today!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

You call this customer service?

I'm convinced AT&T sold their soul to the devil. I bought a phone from them 2 months ago. A treo 680, which is what I wanted after doing my research for a month. I got it and it was great. Then, out of nowhere, one entire row of the keyboard quit working. I was on the phone with their 'people' for over an hour, doing resets, taking batteries in and out, etc. etc. Trying to figure out what was going on. They finally decided that they'd send me another one.

I got that phone and was having problems getting my work email on it. This also meant my calendar wasn't syncing to the Treo. I asked my IS people about it and they worked on it, but couldn't figure it out. They suggested I call AT&T. So I did...after being on the phone with them for an hour, trying to install an update, doing resets, etc., they suggest I call Palm for troubleshooting. So I do...and I'm on the phone with them for an hour, doing everything I did with AT&T. Their AT&T and tell them I need a phone with a specific code on the back. So I do...but not before going through resets, downloads and the like before they decide to send me another Treo. They even overnight it to me.

Woo hoo...the new Treo arrives, so now I have 2. I pull it out of the box, get it all set up and lo and behold, the same thing. The phone is not compatible for the update everyone keeps asking me to install. So I call AT&T...again, but of course they work me through, you guessed it, resets and more downloads. IT DOESN"T WORK PEOPLE!!! So now what...they send me a new phone..a Blackberry Curve.

Not excited about switching to BB, but I'll give it a shot. I get it today (I got Treo #3 yesterday and Treo #2 on Monday) and have been on the phone with AT&T 4 times today to get this set up.

Phone call 1 was because when I opened the box, it was not the Blackberry I requested (little detail..I want the red one, they sent silver). So I call. They tell me they can't send me the red one because they show I have 3 phones right now. IF THEY WOULD SEND ME A PHONE THAT WORKS, I'D ONLY HAVE ONE! Fine...I send back Treo #2 today and keep Treo #3 in case Blackberry doesn't work.

Phone call #2 was because they needed to switch me from a treo data plan to a blackberry plan. I asked multiple times if I was getting the same plan as I had previously and was told yes.

Phone call #3 was because AT&T called me to tell me they had me on the wrong plan and needed me to call back. WTF! Called, got it switched. Good to go...not yet...

Phone call #4--Email and Internet now not working on phone. I call...their explanation is that the system is updating so they can't see my info and I need to call back in 30 minutes. SERIOUSLY!!!!??????!?!??!?!??!?!

So, it's been over 30 minutes and I'm calling back. I'm to the point of asking for a manager to bitch them out. I can't believe this.

One more NEW macbook, which I love so much, is having keyboard issues. There have been more times then I can count on one hand when my keyboard has frozen up so I can't type anything, but I can mouse around and click on things.

Why is everything I touching breaking? I don't get it???!!! =(

Friday, December 7, 2007

When the timing isn't right

Have you ever had a time in your life when the right person is there, but the timing isn't right? Last night on Grey's Anatomy, George told Izzy, "It's not our chemistry. It's our timing." Yeah, I lost it...

I've had one of those 'the timing isn't right' things. Had a great relationship with a guy back home, we talked about dating and decided it just wasn't the right timing, that maybe once we worked through some individual things, maybe. The timing definitely wasn't right as I moved away shortly after that. We remained in contact through phone calls and then one day, they just stopped. No explanation. He needed more time and I gave it to him and now feel like I've lost him forever. I haven't heard from him in over 2 years.

I don't know if I'm more upset that things didn't work out or that I don't know what happened. He and I had a special connection unlike anything I had experienced before. He was my best friend. He challenged me in my faith and could tell when I was lying to him about how I was doing...even over the phone he could tell. I didn't have to put on the facade with him and it was so refreshing to know that he'd still accept me, even with all my issues. Unconditional love is irreplaceable. He had a special nickname for me and every now and then I can still hear his voice call me that name, which brings a smile to my face and then tears to my eyes because of the ache in my heart.

I wonder if I'll ever have that again. Actually, that's not what I want. I need something better than that, which may be the only way for me to get over him and the heartache. Maybe someday, he'll track me down and show up on my doorstep, if the timing is ever right.

**This post brought to you by the movie and soundtrack for "A Lot Like Love" starring Amanda Peet and Ashton Kutcher. Storyline...these people meet on their flight and end up chasing each other, running into each other, showing up on each other's doorsteps over the next 6 years. There are other relationships going on throughout that time, including a divorce and an engagement, yet they feel the need to be with each other. **btw--hot scene in the movie where they pose for a time-lapsed photo in the nude and have to stand still, hugging each other, for a few minutes. Yeah...they can't stand still and well, you can figure out the rest.**

Thursday, December 6, 2007

What a way to end the day

It was one of those days. I got in to work this morning and the next thing I knew, it was noon and I hadn't done much work. (This really is a lie as I had an hour long conversation with the hotel I've been having some problems with for an upcoming conference, I answered emails, and set up some meetings for people with an out-of-town visitor). When it came time to crack down and get to work, I couldn't sit still. I was very antsy and ended up leaving to get a Starbucks drink. I finally got productive around 2:30pm, but still didn't get much done.

So now on to the end of the department has been down one full-time person since Sept. 1. My boss offered the position to someone late last week and today...she declined. Great! Now we're back to square one, during our busiest time of the season, with way too much to do. Thankfully, for me, I have other projects that allow me to stop my full-time job because the other things need attention. If I didn't have other projects, I'd be working 60+ hours a week on the same things. Not fun.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Someone tell me to stop!

I've been on the computer since 7am this morning...I've only been away from it to get and eat lunch (away from my desk, even), to get more coffee, to get some questions answered in person, oh...and to go to the bathroom. Now, I'm home and am back on the computer. You've probably already guessed this, but it's not just the computer, but really the internet is the problem.

What did we do before the internet? before email? before facebook? before blogs? I know that I'm coming into my busy season due to the conferences and events I'm planning, which means more time at work, on email and the computer. Even before taking on a new job or two, I was still working 12+ hours a day. Now, I'm doing at least that, but it's split up between day work and night work, which at least gives me a bit of variety and excitement.

I need a break...I think I'm going crosseyed from it all! I'm at least planning some meetings throughout the week which gets me out of the office for a break. I figure if I'm working in the office until 7pm each evening and eating my lunch at my desk (when I eat), I'm allowed to take a break in the afternoon. Besides, my boss would gladly kick me out for a break if he was around.

With that being said...I'm shutting the computer down and giving my eyes, as well as my sanity, a break.

Before I go...I've been thinking about getting another tattoo. Small, less than an inch, on my right wrist. Thoughts?

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em

I love playing board games and card games and video games and trivia games, but I can't stand playing mind games. I feel like I've been doing this a lot lately and I really don't like it. It's not me. It's not how I work, but I feel like I need to do this right now.

I've been in negotiations for a contract for the new job. We've been going back and forth about this for 2 months and just a few weeks ago, what was offered to me was quite insulting and really pissed me off. I've already told my current boss that I'm leaving, I'm planning a move and want to start preparing for this new job which would start in May, but there was no way I was accepting the last, and lowest, offer. Someone asked me why I wanted to do this job. I answered that it sounds like an amazing experience, I'd be moving to a new area, which is exciting, it'd be doing something I'd enjoy, and the guy I'm working with is pretty cool. This person responded with, "That whole package could happen with any job." Wow...she's right. I hadn't thought about that.

So now I'm playing the game that I've been avoiding until a new contract is offered for the new job. Do I like doing this? No, but the alternative is to walk away, which I was ready to do before my eyes were opened to other options. Honestly, the opportunity excites me too much to just do that. I'd wonder for the rest of my life 'what would've happened if...' That's worse than playing mind games to me.

Why can't people just be honest and open about what they are thinking or feeling? I'm pretty open, especially with this job, yet don't know that it's been super beneficial. Yes, he and I have great communication, which is the only way this will ever work as he drives me nuts sometimes (I've told him this...but don't think he's ever told me how much I annoy/bother/irk him, and I'm sure I do). We've worked through some rough patches, which really makes me think that this will all work out.

Because of this last round of contracts, I don't know that I fully trust him the way I have in the past. I'm scared it's going to come time for us to get the contract finalized and me plan a move and it's not going to happen. Has he done anything to make me think he would do this? Nothing more than offering a laughable contract to me. So why is it so hard to jump back into trusting him? Why can't I let that piece go and trust him fully again? Should you ever have 100% trust in the people you work with? My head says, "Yes, why wouldn't you?" and my gut says, "that's a risky move in business." Is there a happy medium?

So when do you know when to walk away and know when to run? I just want to give up sometimes. Fighting the fight can be too draining and not rewarding, which makes giving up seem like the better option. Does that mean I give up as in quit or I give in to whatever he wants? Why is it so much harder to play the games than to just walk away?

Friday, November 30, 2007

All I want for Christmas is....

How cute would I look on this? I've been very, very good this year! ;)

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Up against the deadline

So, I was just thinking earlier how well I've done on NaBloPoMo and I haven't missed a day. WOO HOO!!! I just looked at the clock and realize I have about 20 minutes to get this post done. Whew...nothing like being up against a deadline, right?

Let's talk about that...I'm the type of person that will procrastinate to the deadline, yet know that I work better under pressure and can pull off amazing work that way. Why is that? What is it about the deadline that makes me perform, think, concentrate better?

In college, I'd wake up at 4am to cram for a 9am class. Granted, I didn't have the best grades in college, but only because I didn't try. I have a degree in Recreation Management, which sounds like a blow off major, right? Not so much...I had hard classes like Physiology of Exercise, Legal Aspects of Recreation, Kinesiology (which spell check thinks should be Gynecology! HA HAA!!!), Sports Nutrition (which was REALLY hard!), but I also had classes like Camp Counseling (which I took with a guy who used to play for the Chicago Bulls), Play: Theory and Methods, Dancing through the Decades (that wasn't required, but took it anyways!) and Sports Labs, which were like PE class and every 2 weeks we had a new sport we learned. I know the majority of the rules for things like bowling, volleyball, basketball, football, speedball, football, tennis, track, archery, handball, and wrestling. Yes, we had to wrestle. It was interesting. ;)

Wow...that was a tangent if I've ever seen one before. OK...back to deadlines and procrastination. You'd think that I'd learn after so many times that my procrastination, though it brings better results for me, causes way too many negatives, like stress, and I'd try to change my ways, right? Wrong...I know deep down that procrastinating is better for me. It's the perfectionist who believes that the added stress and deadlines cause my brain to work better, therefore, I procrastinate even more.

I have learned to manage this so it doesn't become a weakness. How's that? I set deadlines for myself that allow buffer time if I don't meet them. The sad part is that I know the deadline I set is not the drop dead deadline, so sometimes I over look it and wait for that final date to creep up on me. It's such a catch 22.

So why not change my ways? Because it's the way I am. The benefits (better work, more creative thinking) far outweigh the stress, so I learn to deal with it. That's me...that's the way I roll. What about you? What do you do that causes you stress, but you do it anyways because it's better that way?

btw--I have 8 minutes to spare! =)

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Fate's a funny thing

Do you ever look back and think about those chance meetings that have changed your life? I've had many...

One of my best friends in middle school, Cassie. I can't remember how or when we actually 'met' and started hanging out, but when it came time to move on to high school, she was in a different school district. My mom and I moved so I could go to high school with Cassie. I have many fond memories of high school, most include Cassie. =)

In high school, a girl told the majority of our senior class that I had turned them in on 'senior ditch day' since I wasn't able to go. I had something else for school scheduled and couldn't get out of it. Believe me, I would've been there with the rest of the group if I had a chance. Anyways, she lied, people knew she was lying and that I hadn't done it, but that taught me that some people will be completely fake to your face and then talk shit behind your back. best friend, Tiffany, hated me when she first met me. We were in the same sorority and she said she couldn't stand how bubbly and hyper I was. Whatever...she got over it and loves me now! She's been the one to stand by me through all the hard times, including the time I told her that if she told me she was engaged to her boyfriend, I would refuse to be in the wedding. Yeah, that was a hard talk. She dumped him soon after and I love her new fiance!

After college, I was out at a coffee shop one night listening to a friend from high school perform and ran into another old hs classmate. We didn't really know each other, but chatted a bit. He invited me to an alternative church thing that was run by some other people from high school. I went...and eventually, became a Christian.

When I was laid off from the job that I moved to WI for, that same day, I had a meeting with a friend, who was having lunch with a guy that I met a few weeks earlier. Before I finished with meeting with my friend and before he left for lunch, jokingly, I told him to ask the other guy if he was hiring. He was and has been my boss for 4 years. He's had a huge impact on my professional and personal life and has been a great mentor for me.

Just 3 months ago, I came across a blog that impressed me. I emailed the owner asking for advice on how to market to college students. Even though I offered to pay, he said no, but I had already won him over with my charm. =) We continued to email and I proposed that he hire me to help with his conferences. He's crazy and he did. I'm now on my way to planning the next conference for him. I've learned a lot from his friendship and partnership. Who would've thought that googling for work could lead me to a new job?

Tonight, I sat next to a guy on a flight home and didn't talk to him until we landed and I pulled out my phone. He asked about it and we chatted a bit about staying connected for work with all the fancy tools on the phone. He asked what I did and I told him I was an event planner (that's the generic answer) and gave some more details. He then went on to talk about how he was planning his companies' Christmas party and wasn't enjoying it. (Oh yeah---he told me who he is and let's just say, his family is very wealthy in my town based on his last name!) Honestly, if I wanted it bad enough, I probably would've told him I'd help with the party if he was interested, and I bet he would've been. I didn't go after it...which is now 2 events I've turned down this week.

So call it what you want...fate, divine intervention, chance meetings...they all happen for a reason and I'm glad they do!

Inquiring minds want to know...tell me about a chance meeting that has changed your life.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

What the world needs is more hugs

I got to my parents house on Monday night last week for the holidays. On Wednesday afternoon, my step-dad made a comment that I hadn't hugged him yet since I'd been home. I didn't grow up in the kind of family and I'm not sure why it wasn't something that happened more frequently in my house.

There's something about a hug that just gives you what you need. Sometimes, I just need to be hugged. Sometimes all I need is a quick hug with a good squeeze in it. Sometimes I need a longer hug that fully embraces me. I hate side hugs and think they're a disgrace. Ick!

I was thinking about this last night and thought of a few people that I love hugging. In high school, it was a guy from church, who also happened to be the guy I wanted to marry. He got married this past summer and I thought he was holding out for me. Damn, I was wrong.

In college, 2 of my closest guy friends were the ones I went to for hugs. Honestly, one of them I'd even take naps with and we'd spoon together. There was no sexual attraction there...just deep friendship. I miss that kid. The other college hugger is one who went through a tragic experience and I was there to help him through it. (he ran over a guy and had no idea...was in jail for a few days, but the case was dismissed. sounds was!) He was my 'little bro' and a very close friend.

Right after graduation, I met a friend who to this day is the best hugger I've known. We had a 'special' hug that was just ours. He's in the pic here. I think we hugged so well because he was just a little taller than I was, which meant our bodies fit together just perfectly. Every time I'm home and I see him, we immediately go in for an embrace. I miss those hugs and don't think anyone will ever replace him.

Now, there's 2 guys I can think of who i see every now and then who I hug as soon as I see them. One has a girlfriend, who works with me, but she knows there's nothing going on. The other one is a great, great friend who I see more often, though it's few and far between as life has gotten crazy lately.

So what is it that makes hugging so fulfilling? There are people I hug and there's nothing great about it. It's a sloppy handshake. But then, there are those people who I connect with. (OK...that sounds a little creepy). Something about the connection your soul makes when you hug that person. I really feel that of all those listed here, I have a soul connection with, which only enhances the hug.

What do you think? Am I feeling too much from these special hugs or are there others who experience the same thing when they hug someone? Now I need a hug...or at least someone to spoon with. =(

Monday, November 26, 2007

A little help, please?

**this is the third time I've started this post and changed the topic...**

I don't like asking for help. I enjoy figuring things out, using tools, problem solving, completing projects and doing things my way. I don't delegate because to me, it will take longer to find someone, explain how to do the project and get it back from them then it would if I did it myself, not to mention there's the possibility they'll screw it up. When I grocery shop, if I have less than 7 bags, I carry them to the car myself and don't use a cart. I also carry them upstairs in one trip. I hate moving and hate asking people to help me. I know how to change a flat tire.

Tonight, however, I had to ask for help. When I got to work today, I became very overwhelmed by the 87 emails in my inbox, the thought that we are now just over 2 months away from our largest conference, we're still one full-time employee down in the office, I'm traveling over the next 2 days, I have to train someone who's helping out during conference season, and there are things I need from my staff, deadlines to meet and issues I'm STILL working out with the hotels. I decided that I wanted to try to get ahead a bit, so I stayed at work until 9:30pm tonight. I do that every now and then and don't mind it because in the long run, it gives me peace of mind.

So knowing I don't like to ask for help, even when I know I need it, and that none of my staff live in the same area as I do (all 53 of them are scattered across the Midwest, South, New England and West Coast), I did what I thought would work. I emailed 8 of the staff that I'm closest to and asked them to pray for me. I know...sounds cheesy, but keep reading...

This was actually very hard for me to do. I work for a Christian organization, so asking them to pray wasn't the hard part. What made it hard is that I've really taken some major steps back in my relationship with God lately. I could list reason upon reason, but that's not important. Because I've stepped away, I don't want to be 'that person' who only comes to God when times are rough and I need something. I know He's bigger than that, but honestly...I don't know what else to do right now and figure it can't hurt, right?

I happened to go to church a few weeks ago and was glad I did as the teaching was on the myth of "it's wrong to doubt as a Christian." Our pastor talked about how it's OK to doubt as a believer; some of those closest to Jesus doubted, why wouldn't I? It was good to hear that if I have doubts, it's OK to express those and ask about them and search for an answer. That's one thing I love about my church...I know I can ask any question I have or express any doubt I have and I'm not going to be told some stupid lie of "well, you must not be a Christian because you just asked that." Alright...getting off subject a bit...

After I sent the email, I immediately felt better, just from getting things off my chest and asking for help. Not long after I hit 'send', one of my west coast staff replied saying she and her husband were making time to pray for me tonight. Tears are welling up now as I'm realizing how much this means to me and how much it shows they care about my well being. Honestly, that's probably the most helpful thing they could be doing right now...and I'm glad they are.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Bonus post!!!

Wow---two posts in one day? Crazy! But I have to vent a little...

I hate having two computers. I just got the macbook almost 2 weeks ago and have the pc laptop for work. Because I've been using the pc for 3 years, it has so much of my stuff on it. Yes, I used it for personal stuff. My bad!

Right now, I'm catching myself really wanting to play with and learn the macbook, but it's so much easier and faster to use the pc. For instance, I haven't been reading blogs that I normally frequent because they're all saved as 'favorites' on the pc. GRRRR! I've saved some of them on the macbook now, but will take me a while to get it all transferred over.

I have a work trip this week and am seriously thinking of taking the macbook instead. However, this means I can't get into the network if I need anything. Honestly, though, it's an overnight trip and I'd rather use the mac anyways. Yep, taking the mac and the red-headed step-child, I mean the pc will stay home. =)

can't wait until i can unload the work pc and not be tied to it anymore. It's been a great 3 years, but I'm ready to move on to better things full-time.

Just say NO

Had an interesting interaction earlier. I was approached about helping plan an event, which is what I do and what I LOVE to do. The event actually sounded very cool and lots of fun, which was enticing. However, I gave my input and ideas, offered to help brainstorm more, but walked away from it.

This is not normal for me. If something sounds fun and exciting, I'm usually all in. I have TONS going on right now (full-time job in it's busiest season, new job planning a conference which is 4 months away, advising my sorority girls, class and homework, personal life and figuring out ways to maintain my sanity) and am trying to protect the free time I have. I could've easily taken on this new project, but needed to say no and let it go...and I'm fine with that.

I have been approached about planning another event which could be HUGE. I need to decide soon what I want to do and move forward if that's the case. Seriously...huge, people...huge! If I walk away, I may miss out on something that could really help my future in a number of ways, which would bring more decisions. Maybe I need to find my Magic 8 ball. It's always right, right?

So, friends, without knowing many details about anything, what should I do. You be my Magic 8 Ball...give me some advice.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

The post you've all been waiting for...

Alright, I'm finally getting to the music post I've teased ya'll about for so long. Really, I have no rhyme or reason to this post, other than sharing some of my favorite music with you. Leave me a comment with some favorite artists/songs of yours I should check out.

Getting ready for a night on the town. These are the songs I crank up and dance around the apartment to...
Til I Get to You & Can'tneverdidnothin' by Nikka Costa ***She's supa dupa funky!
It Ain't Easy & Punish Me by Aranda. ***I went to high school with these guys. They signed with Sony and got screwed over. Love them, their families and their music. They hold a very special place in my heart.
Ch-Check It Out by Beastie Boys. This group is freaking amazing! Love them!!!
Oye Como Va, by Santana.
Run It! by Chris Brown
Ain't No Other Man, by Christina Aguilera
One, Two Step by Ciara
Little Bit of Life by Craig Morgan. ***I'm not into Country at all, but love singing this song!
I Believe in a Thing Called Love, by The Darkness
Good Lovin, by Blackstreet
Pump It, by Black Eyed Peas
Glamorous, by Fergie
Holla! by G. Love
Stranger by Hillary Duff ****Yes, I like Hillary Duff! Ha ha!
I Need You Tonight, by INXS
Canned Heat by Jamiroquai
Do it Well by Jennifer Lopez
Tell Me 'Bout It & Some Kind Of Wonderful by Joss Stone
Don't Stop Believin' by Journey
Like I Love You by Justin Timberlake ***Just about anything by JT could be on this list.
Stronger by Kanye West
Smile by Lily Allen
Extraordinary by Liz Phair
Love Today by Mika
Back to the Hotel by N2Deep ***This was the anthem for my high school days. I told you I'm from the ghetto!
Love Like This by Natasha Bedingfield
Ride Wit Me by Nelly
New Shoes by Paolo Nutini
Ditty by Paperboy **Another high school song.
Gin and Juice by Phish
Party Started by P!nk
Ignition (Remix)& I'm a Flirt (Remix) by R Kelly
Shut Up and Drive by Rihanna
Ain't Nothing Wrong With That by Robert Randolph
When I Get You Alone & Brand New Jones & Everything I Can't Have by Robin Thicke
Tangled Up In Me by Skye Sweetman
Nuthin But A G' Thing by Snoop Dogg
Crank That by Soulja Boy****Learn the dance. Find it here!
Something Like That by Tim McGraw
The Way I Are by Timbaland
Changes by Tupac
Nice and Slow (Remix) by Usher

Slowing it down...Sometimes you just need a good 'slow' mix, for whatever reason!
Wait for You, but Elliott Yamin
Hard Habit to Break, by Chicago
Big Girls Don't Cry, by Fergie
One More Try by George Michael
You Give Me Something by James Morrison
Fire and Rain by James Taylor
Heaven by Jamie Foxx
Sleeping to Dream by Jason Mraz ***I think I want to marry Jason Mraz. He's deep...check out his blog.
Comfortable by John Mayer **I wanted to hate John Mayer when I heard he was going out with Jessica. Now that they're not together anymore, I can like his music again.
Talk to Me & Look At Me by Keri Noble ***I stumbled across this artist from Minneapolis (I think). Good stuff.
Again by Lenny Kravitz **Lenny defines HOTNESS!
Everything by Lifehouse
We Belong Together by Mariah Carey
Be Without You by Mary J. Blige
Unwell by Matchbox Twenty
So Sick by NeYo
What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts
Hate that I Love You by Rihanna
The Stupid Things by Robin Thicke
Together Forever by Shai ***Takes me back again to high school. This was the first CD I ever bought. I still have it
All I Do by Somethin' for the People **This is from college and was a staple when hanging out with my friends
Weak by SWV
Apologize (Featuring OneRepublic) by Timbaland***Definitely check this out! Great song!!!
With or Without You by U2
You Make Me Wanna by Usher

Artists you should check out, just because I said so...
Amos Lee--Amazing acoustic music. His first CD, Amos Lee, is better than the second one.
Arrested Development--new CD called Since the Last Time. GREAT and GROOVY!
Chris Joss--You've Been Spiked (sounds like Oceans Eleven music)
Colbie Caillat--Entire CD, titled Coco, is amazing!
G. Love (with or without Special Sauce)--Lemonade is a great album. Get it!
Robin Thicke--A Beautiful Life (his first, and better, album) and The Evolution of Robin Thicke, which is the one that's hit big recently.
James Morrison--Undiscovered (CD title)...kinda like a Gavin Degraw sound, but better...
Mika--Life in Cartoon Motion...this is my 'happy' CD right now. Good stuff!

Alright, that was entirely too long, but seriously, I love music and love sharing what I like even more. Hope you find something new on the list...

Friday, November 23, 2007

A trip down memory lane

It never fails that when I make a trip back to my parents house, my mom has a pile of things for me to 'go through', meaning take with me or trash. Usually, I detest this, however, this time was interesting. The pile 'o stuff mom had for me consisted of items from my elementary school days, including awards, papers/reports, pictures and grade cards. (btw--the pic is from "Arrested Development" where one of the characters, Maeby, went to a 'special' school.)

Some things never change...I had lower grades (mostly B's with a C here and there) in Social Studies, all A's in Math and Reading throughout grade school, and had only Satisfactory marks in spelling instead of 'Outstanding'. I had one paper that the teacher wrote I had the highest grade in the class. =) Now, here's the shocker...on most of my report cards, I had comments such as "needs to work on getting along with others" and one that even said "tends to think she's right, even when she isn't". I'm sure my work partner is laughing at that one...I know I am!

It was very interesting to read over the reports I had in 1st and 2nd grade, which is when my parents were getting a divorce and I had no idea. I remember being put into a special one-on-one program at school where I got to talk to a teacher and draw pictures. I thought it was because I was better than the other kids. I finally figured out it was 'counseling' because of the divorce. Why don't they tell kids about these things? I also remember biting a kid in class who I got into an argument with. Yep, I grabbed his arm and bit into it. This, too, was during the divorce. And I thought I was 'special'?!?!

It was a great trip down memory lane for me. I could even name almost 75% of my elementary school classmates in a photo, but haven't seen any of them in almost 20 years. Why can't my brain remember more important things than the kids name I sat next to and played four square with? Hee hee...

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Thank you for being a friend

Honestly, I really don't think I would've made it through life without my friends. I'm pretty independent from my family, meaning I chat with my mom maybe once a week, hardly ever with my step-dad and even less with my dad and step-mom. I never talk to my step-brother, except for Thanksgiving and Christmas when he's at my parents house. I'm pretty much a loner when it comes to my family.

However, my friends are my REAL family. I have friends that know a whole lot more than my parents do and my best friend, well...yeah, she knows it all, and still loves me. I have a handful of friends that I really let in. They're the ones I can be completely honest with, can dish the crap out to about what I REALLY think and the ones I want to call when I've had a great day.

Don't get me wrong...I have a plethora of friends outside of those few who I can call at anytime to hang out, but it's a different kind of friendship. As one personality test defined me, I'm a WOOer. That means Winning Others Over. It went on to define a WOOer as someone who walks into a room and doesn't see strangers, but sees friends they haven't met. Yep, that's me.

So during this day of reflection and thanks, it's really my friends that I'm thankful for, especially those I allow to know the 'real' me. I look forward to many more memories of fun times with my friends and am extremely thankful for the memories I've been blessed with over the past year. Amazing!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Wasted time

The first part of the day was very productive. I got my last homework assignment finished, did some work and then decided it was time for Mom to have my attention. She loves when I come home, but doesn't ever want to do anything other than watch TV or go shopping. This drives me nuts. I've asked her if she wants to go out for a walk and she tells me no, that she doesn't feel well. I ask her if she wants to play a card, not really.

She and my step-dad retired early, mostly because she hated work and he was told he couldn't work anymore (he has post-traumatic stress syndrome from being a medic in Vietnam and worked as a paramedic after the war. Not a good combo.) So now, all they do is sit around and watch TV. They have 'their shows' that they always have to watch, including old reruns of things like Perry Mason and Murder, She Wrote.

I can't say that it's what makes them happy, but it's what they do. They do tend to take road trips every now and then, which they enjoy, but as for their day-to-day life, it really revolves around what's on TV. This makes me sad.

I tend to park myself in front of the TV at home in the evenings, even though I'm doing other things. I've now set-up my office and have a sitting area in my bedroom and have been using each area more often, which keeps me from sitting in front of the TV. I want to break that habit now so I don't turn into what my parents are doing now.

So...more reading, more being productive with work, more working out, more getting out, etc. etc. Have suggestions on things I should try...let me know! My comments section is open for input. ;)

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Do you ever wonder?

I've been wondering lately about how my life would be different if I was still living in Oklahoma or hadn't been laid off from the job that brought me North or if I was married. What if I had studied something different in college? What if I had stayed in the job where I was passed up for a promotion? I don't do this often as I feel it wastes time thinking about coulda, shoulda, woulda when you can't do anything about the past.

I truly believe everything happens for a reason, even if you aren't immediately aware of what that reason is. There are things that have happened in the past that have changed my life and I really don't have an answer to the question 'why did this happen'? I don't know that I ever will, but I've accepted it and know that I've learned so much about myself and others because of it.

So focusing on the past is a waste of time, but why not focus on the future? I feel like this is an area where I box myself in at times. I accept what I do now and don't dream big anymore about what could happen in the future. This drives me crazy! I'm a woman who goes after what she wants, yet don't have something to go after. I'm a woman who's very driven in what I do, yet don't know where that drive is taking me. I'm a woman who has huge visions for a variety of projects (work, sorority stuff, etc.), yet can't see past tomorrow in my personal life.

I feel like this is a rut I'm in, for whatever reason and am sure that I'll get over it soon. In the meantime, I'm trying to evaluate what I can learn during this time, which cuts down on the hindsight reflection later on. Life has been so boring lately and I've got to figure out how to shake things up a bit. Any ideas from the peanut gallery? What do you do when life gets boring??? Help a sister out, will ya?

Monday, November 19, 2007

Rest and relaxation

Yeah, not gonna happen this week. I'm at my parents for the week, was looking forward to a week of resting and kicking back a bit, but as soon as I got here, I immediately felt overwhelmed. Not only do I still have work to do (for 2, maybe 3 different jobs), I have a homework assignment and a test to take, advising issues to take care of (I was on the phone for 3 hours in the car with multiple people from the sorority as some major DRAMA happened this weekend!), but I also forgot that my mom likes to pack the days in with 'stuff' for us to do. Add to that the website I was supposed to create for my step-dad and the fact that we're taking my car to the dealership tomorrow for some estimates on things (like fixing the sunroof!) and I know the week is going to be gone before I know it and I hope I'll have finished most of what I need to, and probably none of the rest and relaxation I was hoping to get.

The holidays have officially begun. Wow!

BTW--I promise to get to the music post soon. =)

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Meet me at the Genius Bar...

I have a new hang out...the Apple store. Seriously, I've been there 4 times in the past 5 days. Three guys now know me by name because they've helped me multiple times.

I had a visit to the Genius Bar today, which is their in-store tech support area. I was having an Ipod to Macbook issue and of course, as soon as I got the macbook and ipod set-up in the store, it worked fine. whatever! Anyways, I took a look around the store and decided it was my new favorite place to hang out. Why? Ummmm....hello, ladies. There are LOTS of guys that work there and they're pretty decent looking. Add to their looks that they know tech stuff and I know where I want to spend my Friday nights. ;) Not to mention they love what they're doing and they have fun!

If I'm going to hang out there, maybe I should check into getting a job there so I'm getting paid. I wonder if they have a policy on dating co-workers. Hmmmm....

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Catch me if you can

I must be slow because I've been tagged by two people. Thanks to Myla at Being a Better Me and Jenn at You are flawed if you are not free. =)

In case you're unfamiliar with what 'being tagged' is, here's the breakdown:
1. Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 random and or weird things about yourself.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
4. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

And now, 7 things you don't know about me:

1. I'm a tech geek. I love figuring out how to get the most bang out of my buck for the gadgets I have. For instance, I've learned how to edit songs in Itunes and export them so I can use them for ringtones. Never again will I pay for ringtones. This means that I have specific ringtones for LOTS of people.

2. When I was 6, I was bit in the mouth by a chow. I had to half of my mouth sewn shut while the injury healed. I think it was cool because all I ate was ice cream and soup through a straw for a few days until the stitches were gone.

3. I have nerve damage in my bottom right side of mouth, basically lip to chin area, from when my wisdom teeth were removed. I don't drool, at least not because of that! And no, it's never interfered while mugging down. ;)

4. I love, love, LOVE salty and crunchy snacks. Chex mix, chips, popcorn...yum!

5. In high school, the Athletic Director told me I was expelled for 2 weeks for choice words I used with him. I ended up with 'in school suspension' for 2 days, but was only there a few hours each day as I was allowed to go to my dance and pom classes, as well as my drama class. I didn't get 'biggest brown-noser' for nothin'!

6. People never believe me when I say I grew up in the ghetto until I tell them that every day, I walked through a metal detector, had an officer scan my body with a wand scanner and then had my bag searched. We had a shooting in my middle school and a few drive bys at my high school. Like I said, I grew up in the ghetto.

7. I've been hypnotized a few times, during comedy shows, and remember the entire thing. Once, I was hypnotized to be Shania Twain. The other time, I was competing in a lap dance contest for a bajillion dollars (yep, that's how much we were working it for).

Ok...for my 7 people, I'm tagging:
Perpetual State of Flux
Otherside of my head
Simply Zee
Jen Changes
Neptune Baby
Betty Underground
Stereotypical Single Woman

Friday, November 16, 2007

Rock my world

My world's just been officially rocked! Why is it that people you have just met, can see so much more potential in you than you can in yourself?

I just got back from meeting with someone I've known for less than a week who asked to meet with me after our first introduction. It was great as some very interesting options were presented and connections were made. This meeting, these options and new connections could make a huge impact on my future. Very exciting.

Wow! I'd love to have my world rocked more often. ;) What an amazing feeling!

Maybe more to come in the future...will keep you posted as things develop!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

So much to do...

**A bunch of randomness've been warned!**
I leave on Monday for a trip to my parents for the holidays and have lots to do before I go. I want to make some new playlists, including a few Christmas ones since that kicks off a week from tomorrow. I heard Adam Sandler's 'Thanksgiving Song' today and laughed. I've always like Adam Sandler. I mean REALLY liked him. I think he's kinda sexy. It's definitely his sense of humor and the dark hair. I'm a sucker for both and put them together and I'm a lost cause.

I'm also getting a Macbook soon...tomorrow, hopefully, and will be getting it all set up. Can't wait! I've got lots of stuff to transfer over from the work one to the new one. It's going to take some time.

I'm PUMPED because my football team, Oklahoma, has their game televised on ABC and I actually get to watch it way up in my neck of the woods. That means I need to hit the grocery store on Saturday. The beer supply is too low for me to enjoy the game. We're playing Texas Tech, btw, and I can't wait to see them get crushed!

I need to pack, too. Wow! Hadn't even thought about that one, but I'll be gone for a week so wearing the same clothes probably won't cut it. =)

Can't forget about homework. I have a 100 point quiz I have to take for one class and another assignment for the other one. Should get those done and out of the way this weekend. Should and will are two different things, though. ;)

I'm waiting for the new Rooney CD to arrive in the mail, probably tomorrow. I like them and was turned on to them by the guy I was ready to make a baby with *swoon*. Yeah, I hate when I'm introduced to music by guys who eventually leave my life. Oh well, at least I got something good from it, right?

Just to tease you a bit, and remind me at the same time, I think I'll do a music post tomorrow. I'm listening to a new favorite song on the radio right now and have a new CD that I'm loving, so I'll share both of those, plus more, tomorrow. Until me out and give me some ideas for playlist titles/themes. What's on your Ipod (or MP3 player)?

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Mind over matter

I've always believed that getting sick has a lot to do with mental power. I don't usually get sick and really think it's believe I don't let myself think I'm sick. I don't like going to the doctor and will push through a little cold I have.

It's been interesting to see what happens to my body when I go through stressful times. I can tell myself that I'm going to be fine and there are bigger things in life than my problems (which is ALWAYS true!), but my body doesn't listen. I tend to lose my appetite and energy. I withdraw from my friends and try to find other things to keep me busy. I often lose weight because I'm only eatting one time a day or maybe once every few days.

I've really become more aware of when I'm getting stressed and have little things I can do to relieve stress. There have been times that I stop what I'm doing to go for a run. I'll often make a Starbucks run during work days. That's my way to get away from my desk and take a break when things are getting too stressful. I wish I had a puppy...they're always great stress relievers!

Stress...what a great way to lose weight! ;) If only I didn't love food so much.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Baby got back

I'm a curvy girl. Yep, I've got big boobs, little waist and curvy hips. I'm fine with all that and actually like it! However, over the past few weeks, I've realized that I've got some junk in the trunk and I really don't know what I think about that. There have been a few times when I've walked by a mirror, thought someone was following me and realized it was just my large butt playing tricks on me.

I've also realized lately how much I slump my shoulders over. I think part of this has to do with how large the girls are in front. I'm trying to be more aware of how I sit and stand in order to correct my posture a bit more. About this time last year, I took a ballet class and it was great. I not only toned my legs (which are also large from years of dance!), but it really helped with my posture. I should check into that again.

Shake it...shake it...shake that healthy butt. Baby got back!

Monday, November 12, 2007

Writers block

I'm not a writer, yet can't think of anything good to post. I've now started my third post because I can't form a complete thought on the other two. So maybe I'll just post some random things and can blog about them later, if I care to do so...

  • Got a call at 7am this morning from the president of the sorority I advise telling me one of the fraternity houses caught fire over night. No one was hurt and none of our girls were in the house--thankfully!

  • Went to church for the first time on Sunday in over a month. We just moved into a big new building. Last week was the first week. On a normal Sunday in the old building, we'd have 2200 people at 5 different service times. Last week, new building, 4 service times, 3500 people. What?!?!

  • I can't wait for next week's topic at church where we bust the myth 'sex is dirty'. It's going to be good as the guy teaching is my friend who tells it to me straight and can tell when I'm lying. Think surfer/skater guy. =)

  • My roommate told me she's engaged this morning. It's about time as she's been ready to be engaged for over 2 years...and has only been dating the guy for a year and a half.

  • I'm realizing how small the world really is. Keep up with me on this one...met a guy through his blog (the dork) who introduced me to his friend (the red head) who worked on another blog with guys who live in my town (and have the same first name) who are starting a business with an author/blogger (PT) who I met on Saturday. That's not's where it gets super small. I saw on Facebook that a guy I went to college with was friends with one of the same name guys. Very random connection, so I messaged my college friend to ask how he knew same name guy. He says he knew him because he had a client who was in business with the same name guy. Who was that client? The author/blogger PT! There are 800 miles that separate College Guy from where I now live (which is where PT lives too). Let's spice it up a bit more and share that College Guy was my date to a sorority party one time and his cousin is one of my sorority sisters. That damn 'It's a Small World' song is running through my mind!! Freaky!

  • I have people from work who have friended me on FB and I don't want to be their friends. Awkward...

Alright, I think that's enough randomness for the evening. I'm doing well on posting each day for NaBloPoMo, but if they aren't quality...should it count? =)

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Boobtrepreneur, or I *heart* boobies!

I'm sure the male readers are settling in for a good read based on the title. ;) I know the women are!

Boobs are a beautiful thing and I'm glad I have them. However, there are some things that frustrate me. I've thought about this for many years and just recently it's really been on the front of my mind. After coming across the Bra Saga posts over at Don't Bite Blue and talking with the college girls I advise, I've decided to finally post about this.

I've been intimate with a bra since the tender age of 10. I don't remember wearing a 'training bra', which is similar to a sports bra, I started with the a regular, adult bra. It's been a love/hate relationship ever since. In high school, I realized how large the girls were when I often had to wear spandex for dance team. Thankfully, though I was quite large, there were others who were bigger. We grow 'em big down south!

In college, I was constantly pulling the band of my bra down around my rib cage because it was too big. I remember going into a store and being sized. The woman asked me what size I was wearing and I replied 38C. Her eyes got very large and she said, 'you're DEFINITELY wearing the wrong size. I'd guess you're at least a D cup.' She got out the measuring tape and when she finished, she told me that I was a 36DD, pushing a DDD/E cup size. I have no idea why, but this upset me and I started tearing up. I remember having back pain and deep indention's in my shoulders from the bras I was wearing and think that a life of those issues quickly became overwhelming with the news from this stranger.

I've recently lost weight which has meant a new bra size, 34D, however...this is what I've come to figure out. My right boob is a bit larger than my left boob. I'm constantly tucking the right one back into it's place while the left one is comfy in it's home. No problems from the left side! They're not different by that much, but it's there. you know how hard it is to find cute 34D sized bras? Very! It's either a very common size or bra manufacturers don't think that size exists and they don't make them. I'm going with they don't make them as reports say the average size is 34B-36C. This just confirms that I'm abnormal, but we all already knew that, didn't we?

I can tell you it's not uncommon for women's breasts to be different sizes. Why are bra manufacturers not recognizing this? Anyone remember Swatch Watches where you could connect two different bands to a watch face to create the perfect watch? I propose the same thing...2 halves of a bra that connect, both in front like a front closure bra, and in back like a regular bra, to create the perfect bra made of 2 sizes! I asked the college women I advise about this idea and they loved it. Many of them have the same problem of one boob coming out to play on a regular basis. See...I'm not alone. Can I get an AMEN?!?!

Another thing, why don't we have button up shirts based on bra size? Seriously, I hate when shirts pucker in front because the girls are large and if I go up a size, it's like I'm wearing a moo moo or something...the shirts too big! Don't even get me started on jeans (guys have it right with length and waist sizes. Why don't the ladies get that attention for their jeans and pants?) Add in hip size and women across the world would rejoice from finding the PERFECT PAIR OF PANTS!

Looks like I may need to get measured again for a new bra based on the "How to measure for a bra" home test. Do they even make 34F? Crap!

Saturday, November 10, 2007

So much to say

...and yet, I've been sitting here and can't think of what to blog about. I started an entry and then scrapped it. I don't want to just put 'crap' out there. I want quality posts for all of you to read. That's how much I love you. ;)

However, this post is quickly going nowhere. I'm so exhausted and really think I'm still trying to kick something out of my system. I need to get rid of it now before I start traveling so much. That's when I really start to wear down. Everyone's asking if I've had my flu shot yet this season. People, I've only ever had the flu once, on New Year's Eve when I was in high school...and it was not pretty. I've NEVER had a flu shot and I'm not starting now.

I did buy some new vitamins the other day and am doing an experiment. Usually, I take the multi-vitamin in the morning, but it was making me sick to my stomach. So now, I'm taking it at lunch, which honestly, I feel gives me a little energy boost in the afternoon, when I need it the most. I think I only took 2 days worth this past week. I really need to make it a priority to take one every day to keep myself going the way I need to.

Alright, I apologize for this crap post. I'll do better tomorrow...promise.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Get the suitcase ready

I'm freaking out just a little right now. I just realized that Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away and a trip to my parents (which isn't my home as they moved to a new state a year and a half ago. Home is where I lived for 20+ years, not where they live now...)in just over a week.

That means I'm officially moving into the busiest travel time of my year, mostly for work. Let me break it down for you:

  • Nov. 19--Road trip to MI, with a stop in IN to meet with my boss for a few hours

  • Nov. 24--Road trip back to WI, as long as I can escape my parent's on Saturday instead of Sunday.

  • Nov. 27--Fly to NC for work

  • Nov. 28--Fly home

  • Dec. 1--Road trip to CHICAGO for a girls weekend

  • Dec. 2--Back home

  • Dec. 20--Road trip to parents, again

  • Dec. 26--Back home I go

  • Jan 2--Riding a bus with co-workers to St. Louis for all staff meetings

  • Jan 6--Bus trip back to WI (thank God for my Ipod!)

  • Jan 30--Head to IN for Conference #1

  • Feb 3--Home for a few weeks

  • Feb 21--Fly to NC for Conference #2

  • Feb 24--Fly back to WI

  • Mar 1--Fly to ORLANDO for work (Conference #3) and PLAY!!!

  • Mar 9--Back to WI =(

  • Mar 18--Fly to CA for Conference #4

  • Mar 25--Home again, home again, jiggity jig

From there...I have a road trip planned the last 2 weeks of April that will end with me moving to CA. WOW!!! Do I get the OK from everyone to freak a little bit? Just a smidgen? Actually, I don't mind it. Glad I got new luggage a few months ago. Looks like I'll get a few chances to break it all in!

Thursday, November 8, 2007

What's in a name?

Have you ever looked up what your name means? Most people have at some time seen in a Baby Book or on a website what their name means. I was just poking around on the web, looking for meanings for my name and I'm freaking blown away by what I've just come across. So much that my entire thought of this post has just been changed. This is freaky...

I went to this website,, and entered my FULL name, meaning first, middle, and last name. It has nailed me. If you actually know me, and some of you do, you'll be amazed at how correct this is. I've added notes to verify info listed:

Your number is: 5
The number 5 Expression endows with the wonderful characteristic of multi-talents and versatility. You can do so many things well. *I'm a generalist, not a specialist. You are good at presenting ideas and knowing how to approach people to get what you want. *I often get what I want! Naturally, this gives you an edge in any sort of selling game and spells easy success when it comes to working with people in most jobs. Your popularity may lead you toward some form of entertainment or amusement. *I was offered a full ride to college for theater and turned it down. Whatever you do, you are clever, analytical, and a very quick thinker. *True...I scored almost a perfect score on the analytical section of the GRE.

Your restless and impatient attitude may keep you from staying with any project for too long. You have a hard time keeping regular office hours and maintaining any sort of a routine. *I really don't like the 8-5 thing and get bored sitting at my desk! You are in a continuous state of flux brought by constantly changing interests. *I'm always interested in what's new.

Your Soul Urge number is: 5
The 5 soul urge or motivation would like to follow a life of freedom, excitement, adventure and unexpected happening. * a move for a new job, maybe? The idea of travel and freedom to roam intrigues you. You are very much the adventurer at heart. Not particularly concerned about your future or about getting ahead, you can seem superficial and unmotivated. *OK, this is completely off. I'm highly motivated, though probably seem superficial at times.

In a positive sense, the energies of the number 5 make you very adaptable and versatile. You have a natural resourcefulness and enthusiasm that may mark you as a progressive with a good mind and active imagination. *Have I ever mentioned that I worked with pre-schoolers for 2.5 years. I have a VERY active imagination! You seem to have a natural inclination to be a pace-setter. You are attracted to the unusual and the fast paced. *When they say 'attracted to the unusual,' are they talking about men? This was so written for me.

You may be overly restless and impatient at times. You may dislike the routine work that you are engaged in, and tend to jump from activity to activity, without ever finishing anything. *Hey---I finish things! You may have difficulty with responsibility. You don't want to be tied down to a relationship, and it may be hard to commit to one person. *And now all of you know the truth as to why I'm single. ;)

Your Inner Dream number is: 9
You dream of being creative, intellectual, and universal; the selfless humanitarian. You understand the needy and what to help them. You would love to be a person people count on for support and advice. *Again, right on the money!

Seriously, I'm a little freaked out by this. I redid the report with only my first and last name and even though it was close, the full name was so much closer. I know there are some new readers who don't know me, but I'd love to see you post your results and share what's true and not so true. Have fun!

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Counting down the days...

Alright...I've just seen 2 commercials for the upcoming holiday season and was just at Walgreens where all the holiday candy is ready. You'd think I was talking about Thanksgiving, right? Not so much...Christmas. Seriously! Why is it that we can't enjoy one holiday season at a time, in chronological order? Halloween was just one week ago and we've still got 7 weeks before December 25. I just don't get it. Valentine's day stuff will be here before we know it.

I am counting down the days, but only to my trip to Orlando. Very little business and a LOT of pleasure! Only 161 days to go...but who's counting?

For your enjoyment of the upcoming holiday, I've included a pic from my personal collection. I was driving on the highway when I thought it was late September. Nope, it was just turkey feathers from the truck o' turkeys. It makes me sad to think where they were going. However, I'm now counting down the days to some deep fried turkey as we have EVERY YEAR! It's the best!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

sympathy post =(

I'm taking my second day off from work in a row because I'm not feeling well. I don't do this often and have been told in the past by my boss to go home because I still come into work unless I'm dying. So I'm home, but still checking emails every now and then and know, still working.

I hate being sick. Usually happens because I'm worn down and have pushed myself too much. I'm sure being around germy college students for 1.5 days hasn't helped either.

So I'm home, about to go crash despite only having been up for 4 hours and hope to knock this crud out of my system today so I can get back to the grind tomorrow.

Security vs. Opportunity

There is no security on this earth. Only opportunity.
--General Douglas MacArthur

I've recently been in negotiations over a contract for the new job starting in a few months and it's been emotionally stressful and draining. From my point of view, I want to know that this is really going to happen. That if I confirm with my current boss that I'm leaving in a few months, that the new job is really going to be something there for me when the time comes AND has the salary attached to it that I'd be at least OK with. *My current boss knows all about the new job and is 100% supportive...actually giving me some advice about it. Would love for me to stay with him, but wants to make sure I'm getting into a good thing. How crazy is that?!**

From my partner's side, he's made clear that he's not comfortable naming a salary rate at this time as we're still months out from it actually happening. He's confirmed multiple times that he wants me to work with him. I would take over an organization that's been around for a few years, but would really be working to take it to the next level and make it a business, mostly on my own as my partner wants to focus on his other business, which I'm fine with, for the most part.

We've both been burned in the past through business experiences and come from different ways of doing business. It's actually been a great learning experience for me. He may not say the same thing. =) Because of this, I'm trying to confirm 'security' in this and I'd say he views it from his side as an 'opportunity' to see how things go. I don't think he's a shady person, by any means, and would hope he wouldn't screw me over, so that's not what I think drives his side of hesitation on agreeing to anything in a contract at this point.

I read an interesting piece this morning from a book called, Things I Want My Daughters to Know by Alexandra Stoddard. I'm including some key thoughts here:

  • The only true security is what is inside us. Outside circumstances are often outside our control...There are certain situations you have to give over to the universe. The security within us gives us the freedom to move about with a sense of inner peace, faith, and hope. Rather than being fearful of the future and seeking security, think instead of opportunity.

  • The only real way to calm your fears, gain in faith and grow more hopeful is to think about your own blessings. Know now and always, that all is well and that well-being is your natural state.

  • Relying on outside 'security' can be comforting, but is probably no more secure than building a sand castle on the beach at high tide. You could lose your money in risky technology investments. You could lose your job when the company where you work downsizes. Friends and colleagues could betray you. Your home could be devastated by a tornado. There is no guarantee of safety. By looking at all the good you are experiencing in the present moment, you will not make the mistake of taking your good fortune for granted. Live your life knowing that peace of mind, harmony, balance, and love are your true security.

I've been trying to talk myself into letting go of the 'security' piece the past few weeks and was ready to do so, until my partner failed to come through on something. I immediately took a step back and wasn't so sure at that point. Now, after reading the things above, I'm ready again to take the step towards thinking of this as an 'opportunity' and letting go of the 'security' I feel I need to have. This doesn't mean when the time comes for us to agree on something, that I'm just going to give in. I'm going to fight for what I'm worth, but at that point, I'm hoping my partner will see the opportunity in me and let go of his security piece. I have 4 months to prove myself and take advantage of every opportunity until then.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Yes, those are real tears

The weirdest thing happened last night. I woke up, in the middle of the night, and I was crying. Not like one tear slowly making it's way down my face, but real tears streaming out of both eyes...while I was asleep.

I'm not usually a super-emotional person. Yes, I almost always tear up when McDreamy is in deep conversation with Meredith (anyone else lose it during the 'Pick me, choose me' scene?), but in real life, most of the time, I can keep my composure.

I'm thinking of what makes me cry when I'm awake in order to try to figure out what I was crying about in my sleep (because of course, I can't remember!). Hmmmm....when someone I really care about is hurt, physically or emotionally, that usually does it. When I'm witnessing two friends who love each other truly and deeply getting married, I tear up and my heart swells because I'm so happy for them. When I'm exhausted and can't go anymore, the tears usually come, mostly because I feel the need to continue to push myself and can't physically do it anymore, which frustrates me.

Yes, this weekend was jam packed and I was ready to hit the sack once I got home last night because I've been going non-stop since 6am on Saturday, but I was asleep which would cancel out the exhaustion factor, wouldn't it? I haven't been to a wedding since this summer, though it was one I cried at as the couple is amazing! By process or elimination, this leaves the empathy option.

I did have a conversation with one of the girls I advise last night that may be bringing this all up. She's my favorite and was very upset last night at the thought that she wasn't doing a good job (which is ridiculous as she's the best President they've had in a long time!) Since I have another few weeks of blogging, I'll save those thoughts for later, but it makes me wonder if this brought on my tears last night.

I really wish I could remember what brought on the crying last night. I have some other thoughts of what it may be, but will wait to see if something jogs my memory.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Everything I do...I do it for you!

I just got home from spending 13 hours with a group of college women I advise. The drive to and from is 1.5 hours, round trip, which makes my total time today 14.5 hours. I didn't eat dinner, unless you count a latte, and am exhausted.

Why would I do this? Because it's a way for me to invest in these women in a way that I would've loved to have had when I was in college so long ago (I realized on the way home I've been out of school almost 10 years...and I ain't talkin' high school!)

I love these women dearly and have become very close with some of them. If I wasn't completely exhausted, I'd write more...but will save it for another post. =(