Thursday, July 31, 2008

One month later...

Wow--I've missed out on blogging and was recently reminded by someone asking where I've been that it's been a while. So sorry. =( Life's been busy, but very good.

1. I recently moved. Still in the Bay area, but closer and I love it! My roommate will arrive (with all of her furniture) in a week or so. Can't wait to really get settled into CA life.
2. I'm traveling quite a bit for my job right now. We're hosting events in 7 different cities across the U.S. and are having a blast. We just had event 4 last night and event 5 is Saturday night.
3. As always, I've had quite a few thoughts running through my mind that I've been ignoring...claiming that I've been 'too busy' to really think and deal with them. May be time to start confronting those soon.

I had dinner with a friend tonight and as we walked to the car, she asked me why I wasn't dating anyone. I always hate that question because the answer I give in my head is along the lines of "I guess I'm not good enough for anyone." Talk about a damn confidence boost, right?

What kind of question is that, really? Are there people who DON'T want to be in a relationship? I mean, don't people want someone to share life with? I do and I have for a long time, but, nada-nothing-zilch. My answer was something to the effect that there hasn't been interest from anyone. She laughed at me, which again boosted my confidence.

Maybe I have an idea of a guy that doesn't exist and therefore am blind to other opportunities. Maybe it's that guys are intimidated by my independence and see me as unapproachable in a dating way. Maybe I'm just not datable material. Who knows. If I did, I'd have tried to do something about it by now.

I think maybe I've given up. This is always such a touchy subject for me and even brings tears to my eyes as I type because the hurt is buried so deep. I try to smile and shrug it off..."Oh, he's out there--waiting for him to find me." and "I'm can't date anyone right now because I'm so busy!" Excuses, excuses, excuses. The ones I'm interested in are never interested back or can't step up to the plate and make a move.

I was asked the other day if I was thinking about kids and if I wanted them. I'm getting up there in age and don't really have a desire to have kids right now. But I think that's because I don't want to do the kids thing until I'm married so until I'm even close to that...there's nothing to think about. I know...I don't have to be married to have kids, but that's the way I want it, so for me...that's the way I roll.

Dating...the pain in my ass and thorn in my side. There are 14 year olds who have more dating experience than I do. Wow--that's just pathetic, but I guess the truth hurts sometimes, huh?

Alright...rambling here and nothing really special in this post. Need to pack to head on to the next city tomorrow and finish up some work. I hope to write more often, but don't hold me to that. ;)