Monday, February 11, 2008

Freedom from the Grip of Fear

Week 6 I accept the fact of fear, allow myself to feel my fear fully, and act so that fear does not interfere with my life choices.

The kind of fear is the one we sometime feel with reason. As the book, "Everyday Commitments" puts it, "Our guesses and fantasies about what might happen keep us afraid of events and experiences that may never befall us." Over the past few months, I've had a chance to really throw caution to the wind in my decision to move to CA for this new job.

Just last night, I saw someone I haven't seen in a few months. She's more of an acquaintance than a friend. She asked if I was still moving to CA and I said yes and she said, I'm so afraid for you. What's that mean? First off, why would you be afraid for someone else if they're not? Second, as I asked her if there was an option in her life if she wasn't accepted to PA school, she said no. That was the only option. This is so not me. She has her sights set on one goal and nothing else. Hate to say it, but this is her third year of applying to PA school. It may be time to think about something else. =)

As I'm talking to more and more people about my move, the most common response is, 'Wow--it's expensive in CA. Are you making good money?' Ummm....what I'm making is no one's business AND do they think I'm dumber than a doornail and haven't checked these things out? Truth be told--I don't know exactly what I'll be making yet, but that's not stopping me from moving forward with the decision to do this. I'm not letting the fear of how much I'll make interfere with my life choice to do this.

The book offers advice to use the "Triple A" practice of Admit, Allow and Act. Check it out:
  • Admit Admit to yourself and someone you trust that you're scared, rather than calling it something else, like cold feet, worry, uneasiness, etc.

  • Allow Allow yourself to feel the fear. This is often the hardest part. Don't find ways to avoid it--drinking, drugs, distractions, etc.--fully allow yourself to feel it. Use that person you admitted your fear to to help with this.

  • Act Act in such a way that the fear does not drive you to do something or stop you from doing anything. Think of all the missed opportunities in life because you've let fear keep you from doing it.


Fear thrives on powerlessness, the belief that we have no options. WOW! That's a mighty statement, but absolutely true when you think about it. Don't give in to the power of fear. Stand up to it. Realize it. Admit, Allow and Act. The chapter closes with these words of wisdom: In doing so, we are less likely to be devastated by fear and it gradually becomes so ordinary that it loses its capacity to throw us off course.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I always love how when we're open to it, the messages will come to us from the oddest places. I've been dealing with quite a bit of fear lately (or so it would seem). Be it in business, in my day to day life, and even my relationships with others. It can be tough.

That said, go ahead and make the move. I moved across country jobless, friendless and homeless once and I did just fine. I moved out here to LA to live with my now husband, and again, jobless and friendless and all is good. And many more people make much bigger moves around the world and they survive just fine. It seems scarier than it really is.

Now tell me more about this book please.

tearsinmycoffee said...

I used to let fear hold me back. I finally realized that's no way to live life. What's sad is how many people let that fear rule their life. Some may think it's being 'reasonable'. They're just masking the fear of the unknown.

The book...Everyday Commitments: Choosing a Life of Love, Realism and Acceptance by David Richo. It's FANTASTIC. 52 short chapters. I've been posting about them...Will send you more info.

Anonymous said...

I'll add that to my list of books to check out. Heck, I see an Amazon order coming my way sometime soon ;-)