What am I doing with my life?

As I laid in bed last night, trying to go to sleep, I was overcome with a panic of what am I doing with my life? As I'm nearing the benchmark 30th birthday, I look at what I have to show for it. I don't own a house and am still renting an apartment. I can't afford to rent a place on my own so I'm stuck with having to live with someone, when I think I'd much rather have a place of my own. I have debt from when I was in college that I'm still struggling to pay off (and I'm not talking about student loans...the other kind of debt).

It's sad for me to think how much my financial situation impacts
my life. I get depressed because I live paycheck to paycheck. To make myself feel better, I spend money on outings with friends, though I do have to admit my shopping habit has been more under control than it ever has. I end up staying in much more so I'm not tempted to shop when I'm out. I haven't balanced my checkbook in many, many months because it depresses me to see myself barely making it each month. I've been late on payments because it's another area I tend to avoid.

I work at a non-profit, which isn't so bad. However, because we're non-profit, each employee is required to fundraise a certain amount each year. I'm in my third year and have yet to reach my goal each year. This year, it looks like I'll end around 60% of my goal. Because of this, it's hard to ask for a raise. I do much more than I'm paid for, to the point of being a workaholic, yet I can't ask for a raise as I feel the response will be "We can give you a raise, if you find the funds for it." Again, not something I want to face.

I know I need to get help for this, as well as other things...but that's for another post. It's hard for me to ask for help, but I'm reaching a point where I may have no option than to do so.