Someday my Prince will come...

I moved a few years ago to a brand new city where I knew no one and thought I'd meet someone and be married within a few years. Well, here I am 3 and a half years later and still nothing. I can't tell you how much this has affected my confidence.

I often wonder what's wrong with me. I'm funny, intelligent, witty, into sports, hospitible, fun and outgoing. I'm interested in music, sports, current events, and movies. I love God and want to learn how to be a better follower of Christ. So...what's the deal?

I often get tangled up in the messy web of "what if"s when a guy shows any ounce of interest in me. Wait, let me amend that...if a guy I like shows any ounce of interest in me. This is always a bad road to travel down and I always get hurt. Good news for any guys that I'm interested in now-the percentage of guys I've been interested in previously, since the move to Madison, who are now engaged is pretty high. Good news for you, but not for me.

This is something I struggle with on a day-to-day basis. Why is it so hard for me to find my worth in Christ and be content with what I have right now? I go back and forth with the arguement of "If God didn't want me to be in a relationship, he wouldn't have given me the desire to be in one" and "I know God is looking out for me and only has my best interest in mind." I can almost always never find the middle.

God has created me to be this amazing woman who wants to care for someone, encourage them, serve them and yet, I have no one to do that for. It drives me crazy! I see opportunities in the guys I've been interested in and have even seized some of those, but nothing comes out of it.

God, my prayer is to give me patience. I feel like this is my broken down, repeated prayer that I often come back to, but I really hope I mean it this time. The heartache and tears that I waste of someone I'm not meant to spend the rest of my life with is too hard to handle anymore. I truly believe you've created me with these desires to care for someone else. I want to wait on the person you have created for me and not just settle for someone who could be that person. Father, help me guard my heart...mostly from myself. I get tied up in fantasies of what life could be like if I were dating or married and it really is not healthy. I want to sit back and let you be in control of this area. I want to use this time of waiting to become the best woman of God I can so that I'm not blindsided by 'him' when he gets here.

I pray that you are molding my husband into the best man he can be for me...a leader, who's also ok with me taking control sometimes...a patient heart, because I know there are times I can't handle it and will need to patience shown towards me...a love that puts You first, but with me in a close second!

Remind me to stay focused on you and to let those fantasies go. That's all they are...fantasies. The reality, with you as the focus, will be so much better than anything I could ever dream of!
~Amen