Thursday, November 4, 2010

30-Day Cleanse

I decided earlier this year after much thought that my theme word for the year was going to be LOVE. I vowed to:
  • Love myself...
which I haven't. I have a not-so-secret tactic of putting others before myself, allowing me to avoid everything about myself. I've had girlfriends call me out on this and the hard part is knowing that selflessness is a good thing, there has to be some focus on myself at some point.
  • Love my work...that's an easy one
I've been so lucky to get back into a job that is a perfect fit for me. It's challenging me in so many ways but I love the team I work with, the work I'm doing and the people I get to meet.
  • Love others...another easy one
I usually see the good in others though I will admit there are times I get frustrated with people.
  • Allow others to love me...still working on this one
This is very hard for me. Praise and words of affirmation make me uncomfortable. Someone I care deeply about pulled me close the other day to tell me how much I meant to him and I squirmed the whole time. I didn't grow up in a home where we told each other how much we loved each other so I'm not used to it. However, I'm trying to be aware when people love on me as I know it's what I need in healthy relationships.
  • Find someone who loves me...
You remember that song..."looking for love in all the wrong places"? Yeah, that's me plus a dash of "I'm not even looking." I've been in a semi-relationship since about May and it's all wrong. I really believe staying involved in this relationship is keeping me from other possibilities, yet...I haven't been able to fully step away from it, until this week. This is someone I care about and would even say in some form, love him, and I can't imagine him not being in my life. The problem is that he doesn't want a relationship. He's jaded when it comes to love so I stick around, hoping he'll someday change his mind. What I need to do is change my mind about him, which leads me to something the terrifies me...

I was just reading Mastin Kipp's (the man behind @TheDailyLove, which I LOVE!) column on HuffPo which explains how he did a 30-day Love cleanse. From his post:

As I well knew true love begins within. So, instead of continuing with a bad habit, I decided to do something about it. Just like the alcoholic goes cold turkey from the sauce, I went cold turkey from my emotional dependency on others.

For 30 days -- no dating, no sex of any kind, no flirting and no contact with former business partners.


You see where this is going, don't you? However, I'm already wanting to justify some of the rules...
  1. No dating--but what if a guy wants to hang out one-on-one. Is that 'dating'? Can I go as long as there is no physical touch or kissing? Do we have to go dutch? And what if I am asked out...what do I tell him? "Sure, I'd love to go on a date. How's December 7th look?"
  2. No sex of any kind--as long as I stay away from the guy I mentioned earlier, should be a piece of cake.
  3. No flirting--I might as well say no breathing.
  4. No contact with former business partners--this raises the question of "What kind of business does Mastin really do?? But in reality, I know this means I should not have contact with the guy above for 30 days. What sucks--he's already invited me and I've accepted, to a dinner this Sunday night.
So friends, I turn to you for tips on things I should work on, questions I should ask myself, things to be aware of, ways to get out of situations 1-4, and just bottom line...encouragement to focus on myself for 30 days and to find ways to love ME in hopes that when I come out of it, I still have a chance for accomplishing LOVE in 2010.

4 comments:

T'jai said...

I totally understand where you come from...it truky seems as if we both drink from the same well. I'm not sure if you found love or not in 2010 but I sure hope 2011 will bring you lots and lots of happiness:)


T'jai

Meggie said...

I know exactly where you are coming from. Don't you agree that there is something so theraputic about blogging though?

Erin said...

I seperated from my husband of 14 years about 6 years ago, and not dating is a cinch. After all that, I just honestly don't have it in me anymore.

I guess the best way to get through your 30-day cleanse is to focus on your interests. Start a new hobby. Paint a little, learn to knit, grow something. Just anything that you feel is gratifying.

Anjita said...

It is a very beautiful post you have. I read some of your old articles too, and they are amazing. I think you wrote some on some of the topics that most women faces in their day to day life. I hope you continue blogging