Victim of my own optimism

I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and then I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.~excerpt from Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

I'm very optimistic about a lot of things. I even wrote about how disappointing this can be for me. I had a little dose of disappointment last night as I sat across the table from a guy I developed an interest in over 6 months ago. He was cute, funny and loved music as much as I did. We hung out throughout the summer, I initiated contact a few times to do something, yet he never nibbled on the bait I was putting out there. I heard from a friend that he is REALLY shy when it comes to girls and as far as she could tell...he was interested, just wasn't confident enough to take that next step. Well, that just wasn't going to cut it for me. I gave up and moved on, wondering, yet again, what was wrong with me that a guy wouldn't take a risk in approaching me to take things to the next level.

Last night, as he sat across from me and we talked about my upcoming move, what I'd be doing and how it all came about, he looked at me and said, 'Sounds exciting and I'm happy for you, except that means you won't be here.' I truly felt that he was trying to tell me, in his own way, that he was interested. Then again, maybe that's me hoping for that, not necessarily from him, but from anyone. He even put out there that we should hang out together before I leave a few times. For me, I wonder why waste time, why even try to go there? Actually, hindsight, I see that he would never make a good 'better half' for me, dating or otherwise. I need someone who can take control and he's just not there. I have a high potential level set for the man of my dreams and thought he might be able to reach it. I realize now, he would probably never reach it.

I've been on the opposite end of the optimism as I was hanging out with a great guy who I could definitely see myself dating (he's a surgeon, loves March Madness and is caring). A mutual girlfriend of ours said to him, "Karen really gets into this March Madness stuff. It's a little overwhelming." His response, 'No...I love it.' *Swoon* We flirted, he made comments like, "if we keep hanging out, people are going to say we're dating" yet never asked me out. After learning more about him, I realized he had the ideal woman in mind and I wasn't it, so he wasn't even going to go down that road. Wow--that hurt.

Then there's the time I got real ballsy and just put it out there...I told this guy I was interested. That I thought he was great, funny, cute, smart, witty, the list goes on. I didn't want to play games, so I didn't. After a few weeks of avoiding an answer, he finally emailed saying let's start as friends. So that's where we stand and it's great. I'm just trying to keep my heart in check, not to cross that line as it could be dangerous on many levels. It could also be great, which scares me just as much.

So I'm confused...do I let go of the potential I see in men? Do I stop looking for 'him'? Do I give up on those I've had an interest in? I know what I want and honestly, I'm not settling for anything less. I need someone who will know how to understand me when I don't talk, who will hug me when I try to push him away, who knows what I need and gets it for me-without me having to ask, who will adore me-no matter what I do, who will love me unconditionally and someone who will let me do all of that for him.