Playing By Heart

I was home sick on Friday and took a break to watch a favorite movie (it's on VHS...need to upgrade to DVD), Playing By Heart. Ever heard of it? Probably not, but check out the cast: Sean Connery, Angelina Jolie, Dennis Quaid, Gena Rowlands, Jillian Anderson, Jon Stewart, Ryan Phillipe, Anthony Edwards, Jay Mohr, and the list goes on. Great movie...makes you think about life and love.

I connect with a few of the characters and their situations throughout the movie. One is a woman who starts a relationship with preconceived ideas of the man (Jon Stewart, btw. Send him my way any day!) that just aren't true, but because she's been hurt in the past, she carries that over and potentially ruins something great before it even starts. She finds it hard to accept that a man could be interested in her and really care about her, without the prerequisite of sex. This is totally what I do. When I meet someone new, if there is any interest from their side, I immediately put up a wall and won't let them near me. Why? Because I don't think a guy would be interested in me from the get-go without wanting sex right away, which is a no-go for me.

Another storyline is one of a chance happening between two people, one who thinks he's completely unlovable because of being 'damaged goods'. Aren't we all damaged in some way? It's a love/hate relationship, so it seems, but you come to find out that it really is a love/love relationship.

A third storyline is of a couple who's been together for many years. They continue to ask deep questions of each other and are still learning about each other. I want a relationship like that many, many years from now. I want to be able to continue learning about my husband after being together 10, 20, 40 years. The conversations this couple has throughout the movie have to do with an alleged affair. I won't ruin it, but it's another of my favorite plots of the movie.

And yet another plot has to do with an actual affair. Both parties involved are married and talk about how they wish they could make their marriages work. I don't understand why people don't make an effort if they really want a relationship to work. Why not bring it up and take a risk on making things better. I don't understand. I really hope that I never get to that point on wishing my relationship was better, but if I do, may I have the strength, courage and passion to do something about it.

I haven't watched this movie in a few years and am glad I did. It gives me hope that even though I'm broken, scared and damaged, someday...someone will love me for who I am and accept all my baggage unconditionally and be willing to fight with me to make it work.