Let Love Rule

**My thoughts have been so strong that I had to get out of bed at 4:30am to write this. Hate that!**

I definitely have never been 'lucky in love' and more times than not, I've put it out there, taken a chance, only to have nothing in return. This burned me so much to the point that I shut down and tried to ignore the feelings I had for anyone. This definitely isn't a way to live life, but it was a way to save from heartache and disappointment.

Just this week, I put it all out there...again...for the second time with the same person. And you know what, it felt good to be able to be completely honest and open about what I'm feeling. I was embracing those feelings of, dare I say it, love, and was hoping for something in return. Honestly, I don't know that I want to have feelings this strong for this guy as it could be bad as we're great friends and even doing some work together. Has potential to be a disastrous combo.

I told him I wanted him to respond on his own time, and I do. I didn't put my feelings (or this post) out there in order to guilt him into feeling anything for me. At the same time, I've been very close to being done with it all...giving up...saving face and closing off my love to him and the world again. This is becoming a struggle for me because when you think about it...that's a HUGE passive/aggressive move, isn't it? "Fine, if it's not going the way I want it to...then whatever. Moving on!"

I don't want to live my life that way. Do I care about this guy? Yes. We have an amazing friendship and connect on a personal level and I'd much rather have that than nothing. However, I don't want to build up a dream that 'something's' there if it really isn't.

So how do I continue to love, unconditionally, and embrace that without getting too involved and potentially breaking my own heart in the end? As a friend, I want to love others unconditionally and think I do this pretty well. It's something that's important to me in friendship and is how I want to live. But when it comes to relationships with guys, this area becomes gray with blurred lines as to what's ok and what isn't.

My heart's fragile enough as it is, but life's too short not to share the love with others. For so long, I've felt that I haven't experienced love and I wonder now if it's because I've been too scared to allow myself to love others first. Should it be a give and take? I think so...to a point. I think when you don't allow yourself to love others, your heart becomes cold and numb to any love someone tries to show you.

Love is a funny thing. It's what makes the world go round. It lifts us up where we belong We're told love is all we need. So what's a girl to do?