Openness to Feelings

Week 7: I am becoming more willing to express all my own feelings and to receive those of others, including fear, joy grief, and tenderness. I am practicing ways to share anger nonviolently, in ways that are not abusive, threatening, blaming, or out of control.

Interesting thoughts from Everyday Commitments for week 7 (I think I'm behind a few weeks! Life's been busy.) I am definitely becoming more willing to express my feelings and am even becoming more comfortable in doing so. However, the author (David Richo, in case you were wondering) doesn't stop there. He adds the part about receiving expressions of others feelings.

As I drove home today, I wondered to myself why I don't let others love me at times. For as long as I can remember, I'd have interest in a guy and as soon as word got out (either via others or my own acknowledgement), I shut it down....nip it in the bud before anything can progress. Is it the thrill of having a crush that I enjoy so much so that once the cat's out of the bag, it's gone? Or is it that I avoid the possibility of rejection, which at the same time keeps me from the experience of anything more. I think I'm unlovable sometimes. If I was lovable, wouldn't there be someone to love me? This isn't just about the male species. I know my parents (all 4 of them) love me, but I didn't grow up hearing that or really knowing that, which makes me wonder what 'being loved' truly looks like, even in a non-romantic kind of way. Granted, I didn't really see romantic love between my parents either, which makes me wonder what I have to model a loving, healthy adult relationship/marriage after. Damn...I'm so screwed! =)

As for practicing ways to share anger nonviolently, I'm doing really well in that area. I did have something come up a few weeks ago that really made me angry, but I was more angry at myself than anything else. I don't usually blame others. It's a waste of time, in my opinion. Get over it and move on. Try to offer help or suggestions or remove yourself from the situation, but no need to place blame. If the person is truly at fault, they probably know that already.

Alright...I need to go to bed. Got to be up early to head to the airport. I'm hoping to post at least once a day while I'm in Florida. I've had lots of things running around in my head the past few weeks and just haven't had the time or energy to post. I need to and want to, so this is one goal I have for the week. Posting each day and enjoying my time down there!