A little help, please?

**this is the third time I've started this post and changed the topic...**

I don't like asking for help. I enjoy figuring things out, using tools, problem solving, completing projects and doing things my way. I don't delegate because to me, it will take longer to find someone, explain how to do the project and get it back from them then it would if I did it myself, not to mention there's the possibility they'll screw it up. When I grocery shop, if I have less than 7 bags, I carry them to the car myself and don't use a cart. I also carry them upstairs in one trip. I hate moving and hate asking people to help me. I know how to change a flat tire.

Tonight, however, I had to ask for help. When I got to work today, I became very overwhelmed by the 87 emails in my inbox, the thought that we are now just over 2 months away from our largest conference, we're still one full-time employee down in the office, I'm traveling over the next 2 days, I have to train someone who's helping out during conference season, and there are things I need from my staff, deadlines to meet and issues I'm STILL working out with the hotels. I decided that I wanted to try to get ahead a bit, so I stayed at work until 9:30pm tonight. I do that every now and then and don't mind it because in the long run, it gives me peace of mind.

So knowing I don't like to ask for help, even when I know I need it, and that none of my staff live in the same area as I do (all 53 of them are scattered across the Midwest, South, New England and West Coast), I did what I thought would work. I emailed 8 of the staff that I'm closest to and asked them to pray for me. I know...sounds cheesy, but keep reading...

This was actually very hard for me to do. I work for a Christian organization, so asking them to pray wasn't the hard part. What made it hard is that I've really taken some major steps back in my relationship with God lately. I could list reason upon reason, but that's not important. Because I've stepped away, I don't want to be 'that person' who only comes to God when times are rough and I need something. I know He's bigger than that, but honestly...I don't know what else to do right now and figure it can't hurt, right?

I happened to go to church a few weeks ago and was glad I did as the teaching was on the myth of "it's wrong to doubt as a Christian." Our pastor talked about how it's OK to doubt as a believer; some of those closest to Jesus doubted, why wouldn't I? It was good to hear that if I have doubts, it's OK to express those and ask about them and search for an answer. That's one thing I love about my church...I know I can ask any question I have or express any doubt I have and I'm not going to be told some stupid lie of "well, you must not be a Christian because you just asked that." Alright...getting off subject a bit...

After I sent the email, I immediately felt better, just from getting things off my chest and asking for help. Not long after I hit 'send', one of my west coast staff replied saying she and her husband were making time to pray for me tonight. Tears are welling up now as I'm realizing how much this means to me and how much it shows they care about my well being. Honestly, that's probably the most helpful thing they could be doing right now...and I'm glad they are.