What am I doing to myself?

This is a loaded question...so get ready for it:

I'm on a 2+ week road trip across America right now. Once in a lifetime opportunity and simply amazing, but the stress I'm putting on myself is ridiculous! 2 weeks in an RV, campsites, gas station food for meals, little sleep, trying to conduct business on the road, and so much more. Has it been fun--yes, but I am so ready to get home and be in my own bed and space. Can't wait to take a bubble bath!

I'm now back into playing games...with the guy, that is. I get so upset when I message him and don't hear back. Like last night, I sent some flirty messages...and nothing. No response back, except this morning "just to say Hi." No reference to what I said, nothing. This month has sucked ass as I moved and am now on the road for 2+ weeks, and I hope that the way things are going right now are only because things have been crazy, but I really don't know if that's entirely true. He has been holding back and when I called him on it, he tells me he's scared of hurting me. I feel like I'm always the one reaching out and there's nothing there for me to grasp on to. Then he goes on public sites and makes comments about being involved in dating events. Doesn't make me feel important or worthy. Not a good feeling...yet, I'm not ready to give up. Call me a sucker for self-doubt and low self esteem.

I'm also all-of-a-sudden becoming a psychiatrist and analyzing why I'm doing things and what my issues are. Not sure what to think about all of the things coming up. A little ironic, isn't it?

Honestly, I feel like I'm having a panic attack right now...heart beating fast, head is spinning, tears welling up in my eyes at the thought of all that is going on. I'm trying to not do anything stupid before I get home and have a chance to get back to normal...whatever that may be.

Or at least until I get a prescription for Xanax.