This month has been nuts! I finally moved to San Francisco from a few miles away, yet took off on a 2.5 week road trip only 3 days after moving in. I'm on the road now and can't wait to be home...to the new place with the fabulous view in the new city. Also can't wait to unpack and really get settled in. I'm losing precious time in this new place I'm calling 'home'.
I'm also ready to get back to 'normal' for the relationship that was starting to develop. In some ways, this month has been good as we've barely seen each other and have had a few rough spots, but it's also been very hard as he's said some things to me that have made me think he's thinking long term with me, yet then he says things about wanting to be friends with me if things don't work out.
I'm so confused.
Then I hear from my BFF that she broke up with someone and told her parents she needed time to be alone and 2 days later, the guy she's now engaged to came in to her life. She says for the entire first year she was scared and didn't know what she wanted. She also said it was extremly difficult to be apart from each other.
Part of me wants to give up...to walk away and not be hurt.
The other part wants to give this all I've got so I can see what happens if I really try.
The variable factor is what he thinks, wants, and will do.
I really hope this month has been tough as we've both been so busy. I feel like we've taken a few steps back and to be honest, it scares me. I really like him and care about him and have opened up more to him then to anyone else. I don't want to just discard that like the old pizza box. I can't do that.
But then again, I'm scared to fight for it if it's not going to change his mind.
Argh--why can't this be a little more black and white, huh?
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