Time to move on

Well, I've made the move. It's over and I'm here. Whew! I thought it would never come. Still getting settled in a bit...boxes to unpack, bank accounts to set up, grocery stores to get familiar with, areas to learn, car registration/drivers license to get, salon/spa to find (I need my hair cut soon), nearest gym, test out bars to find the one that feels best for those nights I need to get out and just want a drink. You know...the basics.

I've signed up for a few meetups in the area, hoping to meet some new people. I even checked out churches online last night, but am not ready to do that yet. I can't even tell you the last time I was in a church. Maybe that's what's been missing the past few months. Something to think about....

I'm actually excited to get to know the area and to make it 'home'. This will come in time as the job is the focus right now. I'm realizing it's not going to be as easy as I thought. The tasks aren't the hard part, it's realizing my place in the whole thing that's making it hard. I'm having to learn my boss' way of doing things and that right now, my place is to make it happen, which means less input from my end. This is proving to be difficult for both of us. We've had a few talks about it and I'm hoping things will get better/easier soon.

For the past few months, I've been telling people about this thing I'm moving to CA to do and how passionate about it I am. For some reason, that passion is missing right now. I can't find it. I can't figure out what I'm passionate about anymore. This, too, is not helping my working relationship with my boss. Honestly, his passion isn't all there either, so let's just add that to the list of 'what's wrong with our working relationship?'

This past week has been difficult, which I hope has mostly to do with being in a new place, having friends in town and trying to get situated. Yesterday was downright horrible. I haven't cried that much in a long time. Long story, but I've had to depend on someone for financial help and I don't like being in that situation. I'm very independent and to lose that independence makes me very needy/dependent. That's not how I like to be and it's hard. It doesn't help being in a new place and having very limited resources for help. My boss is the last person I want to depend on in this way, but I had to as I had no other options. Even the thought of it now brings tears to my eyes. It's a reminder for where I am in life and how often I fail at taking care of myself. It hurts and I wonder where I went wrong and why I can't/aren't doing a better job.

So, it's time to move on...from the hurt and pain of this weekend, to dig to find something I'm passionate about in the job and hold onto it for dear life and to welcome being in a new place. It's a new chapter of my life, which means a fresh start. Or at least it should...