Rollercoaster of Life

**So much for trying to post each day this week. It's been a little rough and I haven't had much time or wanted to post about stuff, so I'll throw it all together in one long post, which I'm sure no one will read all the way through!**

This week has definitely been a rollercoaster of emotions. This is the beginning of the end of my time with my current job as I’ll be finishing up in about a month. My final date hasn’t been decided yet, which is making it a bit difficult to really grasp that it’s ending.

I’ve been in tears three this week and anticipate at least a few more times to happen. Wednesday night, my feelings were very hurt as I felt like my boss took credit for my work and recognized many others and left me out. This is not normal, for him or for me to get upset about it. I’m not one who needs recognition, but I felt very underappreciated. Our working relationship has been strained since he moved away in August, which left me as the only person for our department in the National office. Communication has greatly diminished. I’ve been out of the loop on many things and he’s been taking responsibility from me little by little, which is fine as I'm transitioning out, but has made it hard to stay fully present in the job that I’m trying to finish out.

I know that my boss thinks very highly of me. Last year, at our staff meetings, as I was being presented with an award, he couldn’t even speak and teared up. It was very touching and appreciated as he doesn’t express himself very often. These past few months has been very hard as I’ve felt alone in my work. I’m very independent and am self-sufficient, but there’s something to be said for having a team environment. For having someone check in on you (which my current boss doesn’t do), as well as having someone there to offer help with the work that needs to be done. There’s also something to be said about having someone to share in your frustrations and your celebrations, who knows what you’re going through.

I’ve been asked many times about the new job that I’m taking on. It’s been great telling people about it, but at the same time, it’s been very difficult too. I’ve been told that I light up when I talk about the new job, and I’m sure I do as I’m very excited about the opportunity. It’s something that is going to be fun, challenging and rewarding on many levels. It’s something that I might possibly dream up as ‘the perfect job’ for me, my passions and my gifts. I’m going to meet great people and build amazing relationships. I know it’s going to be more than I imagined.

At the same time, it’s not 100% for sure at this point. (n—bear with me) Until I have a salary offer and something a bit more confirmed, I feel like I’m fooling myself and maybe even lying to myself and others about it. Do I want to do it? 100% yes…absolutely. However, I need to remind myself that I can’t let that passion to do this override the fact that I need a certain amount of pay to move to an area that is at least twice, sometimes triple the cost of living of the city I’m in now (which isn’t cheap to begin with). I'm not in this for the money. I get happiness through the job I do, but there is a standard of living that I need/want to maintain. Growing up, in a single parent house, my mom and I made it on little. There were times in college when I went without eating because I didn't have money and didn't want to ask my parents for help. My step-dad got really mad at me when he found out. When I got laid off, money got REALLY tight as I was making good money and then went to work for a non-profit, which was my lowest paying job since graduating a few years earlier. I don't want to go back to that and need to stand firm in what I need.

Am I making the right decision? Definitely...it's time for me to move on to something new. My time with the current job has been great and I've learned so much, but I'm not passionate or excited about it anymore. When it gets to that point, I need to find something else. The new job opportunity is something that I've pursued as it sounded exciting and fun, and I know it will be. It's not going to be a piece of cake, and I know it'll stretch me and there will be hard times, but that's what makes it exciting. I like being challenged as it makes me grow as a person and professionally. There's a lot going on that needs to happen in the next few weeks, including getting things worked out on the new job, completing one more conference, finishing my time with the current job and packing and moving. Time is going to fly and before I know it, I hope to be taking up residence in CA. Who would've thought?