What's the deal with me and guns?

**These thoughts have been bothering me the past few weeks, so I'm getting them out in hopes of being done with them.**
When I was home over Thanksgiving, my mom told me that one night, she slept with my stepdad's gun at the head of the bed. He was out of town and there were reports of break-ins very close to their area. (They have a few acres in the middle of nowhere.) I know my stepdad has guns in the house, but never thought my mom would use it.

I've had a gun pointed at me once. It was my stepdads gun. I had a guy friend over at my place and must've mentioned something about the gun and where it was. He went into my parent's bedroom and got it from the nightstand. When I walked in to see what he was doing, he turned around and pointed it at me in a joking manner. I got mad and told him to put it away. I don't know if it was loaded or not.

When I was a Freshman in high school, one night a girl I was hanging out with decided we should meet up with these guys. I didn't really know this girl and had no way to get out of this (no car), so I went along with it. We proceeded to meet these guys at a sketchy hotel, you know...by the hour, kinda thing. As soon as we all walked into the room, between the two guys, there were 3 guns that were put into the top drawer of the dresser. Not only was I terrified because of the guns in the room, but I soon realized this was a 'booty call' kinda thing. I didn't sleep with the guy and am thankful I wasn't raped or hurt worse. Everytime I drive by that place back in my hometown, I get sick to my stomach. *I've never told anyone about this night.*

I remember one morning as my mom drove me to high school (before I had a license), when a car was passing us and had a shotgun out the back window. We lived in a really bad neighborhood that often had shootings, but to see a car pass you with a gun out the window was eye opening. We hunted down a police in the area (this was before cell phones) and told them about it. Not sure what happened, but we moved shortly after that.

There was a shooting in my middle school. Some kid brought a gun to school, had even bragged about it on the bus, and then during lunch, got the gun and shot another kid in the hallway. He then took off out of the building. I remember some code being called over the PA system and the teachers shutting all the doors. They made all of us lie down under the tables because the school was only one floor, which meant windows all the way around the building. They labeled this as a gang thing. Shortly after that incident, we had metal detectors we had to walk through every day and our bags searched. Didn't bother me.

I haven't thought much about these things in a few years, but I really think hearing my mom say she slept with the gun by her head really triggered something (pun intended...trying to make light of all this!) We'll see if just getting this out helps with being done with these memories. I sure hope so...